Skill with People · Les Giblin
“The one, absolutely certain way of getting people to like you is to make them feel important.”
Why I Picked This Up
I was technically strong but struggling with the people side of leadership. As I moved from IC to lead to staff engineer, the job shifted from “solve the problem” to “help others solve the problem.” This tiny book (you can read it in an hour) gave me more practical communication tools than most 300-page leadership books.Key Lessons — With My Applications
Names and Stories Matter
People’s favorite topic is themselves. Remembering names, details, and personal context builds trust faster than any technical credential. What I do: I maintain a People CRM in Notion. When I meet someone — at work, a conference, or a community event — I log their name, what we talked about, and any personal details they shared (kids, hobbies, goals). Before my next interaction, I review the note. It sounds mechanical, but it means I never start a conversation cold.Listen Past Words
Most people listen to respond, not to understand. Reflective listening — paraphrasing what someone said before adding your own perspective — transforms conversations. What I do: In mentorship sessions and incident reviews, I use reflective listening deliberately. “So what I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like the core issue is…” This one technique has prevented more miscommunications than any process or document.Give Honest Appreciation
Not flattery. Genuine, specific recognition. “Great job” means nothing. “The way you handled that production incident — staying calm, communicating clearly to stakeholders, and documenting the root cause — that was exceptional” means everything. What I do: Celebrate wins publicly, critique privately. I send weekly “gratitude pings” to collaborators — short messages acknowledging specific contributions. The cost is 5 minutes per week. The return on trust and morale is enormous.Make People Feel Important
Every interaction is an opportunity to make someone feel valued or dismissed. Most people default to dismissal — checking phones during conversations, half-listening, steering topics back to themselves. What I do: Full attention in every 1:1. Phone face-down. Laptop closed. My leadership 1:1 template starts with “How are you feeling?” not “What’s your status update?” The personal check-in consistently surfaces blockers, concerns, and ideas that the status update never would.Don’t Win Arguments — Win People
Being right and making someone feel wrong is a net loss. In engineering, this shows up constantly — code reviews, architecture debates, incident post-mortems. You can be technically correct and still damage the relationship. What I do: In code reviews, I frame suggestions as questions: “What do you think about…” or “Have you considered…” rather than “This is wrong.” In architecture debates, I acknowledge the other approach’s strengths before presenting mine.Why This Book Belongs on an Engineering Blog
Engineering success hinges on trust. The best code in the world doesn’t matter if your team doesn’t trust you, your stakeholders don’t understand you, or your users don’t feel heard. This 60-year-old book about “people skills” is more relevant to modern software engineering than most books about software engineering. Because every system is built by people, used by people, and maintained by people.Who Should Read This
Any engineer transitioning into leadership. Any IC who wants to be more effective in cross-functional settings. Anyone who has ever been told “your communication could improve” in a performance review and didn’t know what that actually meant. Read it in one sitting (it’s short), then pick one lesson to practice for a week. Then another. That’s how you build skill with people — one habit at a time, just like Atomic Habits.Key Quotes I Revisit
- “People are more interested in themselves than in any other subject.”
- “Asking questions is the best way to handle people.”
- “To make people like you, talk about the things they treasure most.”
Pairs well with: Steal Like an Artist for community building, How to Convert Rejection into Feedback for interpersonal resilience.